Cruise ships around the globe are still stuck at seas due to corona infections and concerns, but 17 year-old Haley Stopperstein refuses to admit that a never-ending cruise isn’t half as exciting as she might have once thought.

“She kept talking about how all her friends were going on cool senior trips. She made it out like she was going to die if she didn’t get to go on some fancy pants vacation,” said Haley’s mother as she sharpened a pool cue into a spear, “Now we might get both and she’s still insisting everything is hunky-dory. It’s absurd.”

Indeed, Haley is apparently the only one among the 108 passengers who is still maintaining appearances of a happy vacation, while the rest prepare for the battles to come.

“I told them all how dire the situation is. If we’re not allowed to dock soon, we’re going to run out of supplies. Our cabins are circulating infected air throughout the ship. And as some of them begin to stockpile what they can from the others, I suspect my first mate plots a mutiny against me,” the ship’s captain said, “If he succeeds, all bets are off. This could become a lord of the flies scenario really quickly, and I’ve briefed everyone to the best of my ability.”

“But that bitch Haley keeps her head in the clouds,” he said.

Haley has been noted to spend her days eating lukewarm shrimp and swimming in the cruise’s stagnant pool, while the other families stake out their territories and alliances to prepare for the impending war.

“I bet Jessica’s getting so jealous of me by now,” Haley said as she snapped a selfie of her biting into dull gray shrimp “for the gram”.

“You know she wouldn’t stop bragging about going to Cali? Like, it was just for five days. Calm down.”

Haley’s brother, father, and mother have all agreed to punish her for her willful ignorance after their clan successfully wrestles control from the ship’s captain. “She’s gonna be so grounded once we’re grounded,” said her brother.