This morning, President Donald Trump announced that he was going to “play along” with the “liberal orchestrated” coronavirus and make accommodations in the case of needing to self-quarantine.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the flu is much deadlier and you never see any hubbub about that,” the president began, “but before some of these nutjobs try to hit me with this virus, I’m going to go ahead and make preparations. Because, you know, I think we can all agree, if I had to take a few days off it would be disastrous for all of us.”
The “preparations”, in addition to involving the stocking up of Purell and toilet paper, seem to include installing an entire indoor golf course for the president to enjoy his leisure time.
“Well, of course I need a golf course. How am I suppose to relax? I need to recharge to make the decisions that keep this country great. This is just in case this corona-whatever gets a smidge more serious. Nothing to be alarmed about,” the president said.