Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison turned himself in on Tuesday after an anonymous tip lead Aussie Police to the scene where the elected official was in the act of setting bushes ablaze.
“Yes, you’ve caught me. It was me the entire time!” he exclaimed, cackling, “So I guess you can no longer say it was due to so-called Global Warming – too bad!”
Authorities quickly realized that the prime minister was likely taking credit for the fires in order to avoid admitting that he was wrong in his previous statements about climate change not being real. When questioned, the prime minister said this, “That’s just ridiculous. I take full responsibility for setting the entirety of Australia on fire.”
When asked how he managed such a feat, he simply responded, “Don’t worry about it.” He also declined to comment when authorities brought up how many new fires had started since the prime minister had been arrested and held in custody. “Copycats maybe,” he muttered unconvincingly.
Despite the fact that his story quickly fell apart under the bare minimum of scrutiny, Morrison refused to admit the whole thing was a ruse.
“Climate Change is the real ruse here! Don’t you see that the destruction being wrought on our country is entirely man-made!” He yelled.
Authorities decided they would lock Scott Morrison up regardless.
“We know he didn’t do it, but he’s a bit of a wanker so we might as we keep him in here,” commented Commissioner Kershaw.