ConAgra CEO Sean Connolly announced on Sunday that he was planning to take a stand against prejudice and discrimination in the grocery aisles by launching a brand new, women-inclusive spin-off brand: Chef Girladee. The formula will be exactly the same, but instead of sporting an old Italian man, instead it will be an old Italian women in the universal color of women, pink.
“It’s despicable,” he commented in a press interview, “women should feel just as welcome in grocery stores as men do. We, as a corporation, have realized the amount of profit that can be made in catering to the changing social times. And that is the only reason we are doing this”.
He then went on to acknowledge how the data crunching from their “tech nerds” helped bring about this decision, before also hinting that they may also make similar promises to disenfranchised around Pride Month. “Blackardee and Gayardee are definitely on the table if the money is good,” he noted.
Despite his clearly shallow motivation, Geraldine Mabis, a local area woman, was brought to tears by the announcement. “Finally,” she whispered, choking back emotion, “Ravioli for women!”