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FBI Shocks The Nation With A Fucking Huge Announcement: Russia Not Entirely On Our Sides

Late Monday Night, a senior FBI official rushed into the press room to deliver a shocking announcement. “Holy fucking shit guys,” he said, “Alright, keep your cool, this stays on the down-low, but it looks like Russia isn’t entirely on our sides!”

The news, which elicited gasps from the audiences and caused several reporters to collapse in shock, comes after earlier reports that Russia was planning on interfering with the 2020 election in order to aid President Trump in his re-election bid. The question that was on the majority of Americans minds after this news was a simple one, “Why?”

“Russia has always been bros to us. They’re like the guys that always brought the kegs to the parties in High School. Why would they interfere with our elections? To what end?” said President Trump in a press conference.

Confusion spread further when it was revealed they also planned to aid Bernie Sanders, who may be running in direct opposition to Donald Trump. But now, it appears the FBI has finally figured it out.

“They don’t even really like us dude, it’s all pretend for them. We overheard them talking all this shit, saying we’re unfit to lead, saying they want to turn our citizens against us. Like what the fuck?” said the FBI official. “This is like a knife in the back.”

As more evidence against Russia mounts, we eagerly await to see how our bros might defend themselves and prove that they truly do care about the safety and well-being of America like rival nations should.

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