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Grupo Modelo to Sue World Health Organization For “Naming A Virus After Our Fucking Beer”

Grupo Modelo, the manufacturer of the popular beer Corona Extra, is seeking retribution for the damages done to their company amidst the growing Coronavirus epidemic.

“Do you know how hard it is to get someone to buy one of our beers now? It was tough enough before, but now you’ve got people thinking that if they drink it they are going to contract a deadly illness. And unlike alcoholism, this one is costing us dearly,” said Carlos Brito, CEO of Modelo.

“You couldn’t have named it Budweiservirus? Or Heineken’s disease?” Brito went on.

The lawsuit, which seeks recompense to the tune of $250 million from the World Health Organization, is meant to make up not only for short-term damage to the company and their sales, but long-term as well.

“We will forever be associated with this virus moving forward. When kids are getting adults to buy them beer, they’re going to say “but don’t get Corona, we don’t want to get coronavirus”. Even jokingly, that’s going to leave a mark.

When informed that, if they won, the large amount demanded to repair damages would leave the WHO destitute and unable to fund further research in diseases, Brito simply replied “Tough titties. Maybe next time name your deadly diseases after a brand that can afford a hit. I’m sure ‘Disneyvirus’ wouldn’t make a dent in Disneyland tickets.”

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