Politics

If I Can’t Have America, No One Can” Trump Threatens Ahead of 2020 Election Run

President Donald Trump decided to spend Wednesday Morning prepping for the possibility that he might lose the 2020 election. However, instead of approaching it from the standpoint of platforms and goals, he decided to remind the world who is currently in control of the big red button.

“I’m going to be honest with you folks – I don’t like to lose. I really hate losing. And I’ve been thinking, been mulling it over, about how I’m going to approach it if one of those old democratic farts manages to pull this position away from me. So I decided to hit up my buddies at the missile launch facility. And we’re all on the same page,” the president said ominously.

When asked to elaborate on what he meant, he only had this to say –

“Maybe I mean nothing. Or, maybe I mean that If I can’t have America, no one can.”

President Trump then went on to suggest that if polls ahead of the presidential debates showed that America was siding with his opposition, he was just going to skip the discourse immediately and “go nuclear,” perhaps literally.

“There comes a point in every bully’s – I mean every person’s – life when he realizes “Holy shit, this nerd is actually going to fight back”. And then they have an important decision to make. Either they take the loss with grace and realize that their time has come to an end, or burn the school down. And I don’t know about you, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to a nice bonfire.”

 

 

 

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