Joe Biden Wants His Vice President “Ready” – If Elected, Plans to “Keel Over” As Soon As Possible

Joe Biden wants his future Vice President to be ready to take over in the big seat if he’s elected.

“I was always raised to quit while I’m ahead, and I can’t imagine being anymore ahead than being the President of the United States,” began Biden in a campaign event late Wednesday evening. “That’s why, if elected, I plan to shuffle off this mortal coil and keel over as soon as possible, leaving the responsibilities of the nation in the hands of my carefully appointed vice president.”

The remark came after a young boy asked the former vice president what his favorite color was. Apparently, the boy’s youth and naivety reminded Biden of the inevitable march of time that will claim all of us sooner or later.  Although Biden’s mind was quite made up about when his own “later” would be.

“I want to die in the oval office. Maybe I’ll pass a bill or two before I go, make sure that I did a little bit of good before I meet my maker. I definitely want to peace out before any major international conflict flares up though,” said Biden.

When asked how he thought this revelation would impact the polls, he responded that he expected his popularity to surge.

“I mean, what I’m saying here is that a vote for me is a vote for two presidents – Me, and the vice president that will be taking over within a month of the inauguration. It’s the most value you’ll ever get out of your vote in a single election. This is simple math!”

The vice president hasn’t made up his mind about who his running-mate would be, but he seems to be leaning towards a woman. “Be nice to get one of those in there finally. First Woman President, with a nice little asterisk next to her name. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

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