Local Citizen Stockpiling Hand Sanitizer To Markup Prices 5000% Dies of Coronavirus

Local Citizen Johnathan Graham, 28 year-old entrepreneur and known asshole, went around his county at the beginning of March. His goal was simple: clearing out bulk stores like Costco and Sam’s Club of their hand sanitizer by the truck load, then reselling the disinfectant after marking the prices up 5000% to make a gigantic profit. Whether his customers were the immunocompromised or the panicking, he didn’t care as long as he made a killing.

Instead, he was killed. His own coronavirus infection went undetected until it struck late at night, right before he was about to launch “”. He was dead before he even knew it.

His brother and business partner, Joseph “The Money” Graham, said that his brother had a nagging cough and other coronavirus symptoms, but refused to use the hand sanitizer because he didn’t want to “get clean on his own supply.” “His mind was always on the money,” Joseph said, “He didn’t care whether it cost anyone’s health, even his own… and I guess in the end his greed and his hubris was his downfall. This is a wakeup-call for me. I’m going to sell at 4000%, no, 3000% markup.”

We noticed during the interview that Joseph “The Money” Graham didn’t have any symptoms of the coronavirus, but had a rather nasty looking mole on the back of his neck. We considered warning him, but he didn’t tip us for our time.


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