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Report: Democratic National Committee “Surprisingly Conflicted” Between Bernie 2020 and Trump 2020

Insiders in the Democratic National Committee are reporting that the prospect of Bernie being their candidate is making Democrats “surprisingly conflicted”, with many higher-ups reportedly considering tanking their options or stealing the nomination away from him if possible.

“There’s a status quo that’s been established, and the idea that this Bernie guy could change all of that has people scared,” one DNC member told us, “There’s a certain level of corruption, lies, and favoritism towards the upper-class that Republicans and Democrats alike have come to rely on. They don’t want to see Bernie evening out the playing field.”

One member reported hearing a staff member comment that “Bloomberg isn’t THAT bad,” before later adding “What’s so wrong with an Oligarchy, really?”

Another staff member reached out to us directly to comment that if Trump was elected by the American people once they might as well go for “the whole nine-yards, or the whole eight years, rather.”

UPDATE: The RNC has issued an official statement: “I don’t know. I kind of liked having Trump just be our thing. The fact that some of these democrats are siding with him makes me feel icky. It’s like a Jedi using a red light-saber and force lightning. We have our thing, you keep yours.”

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