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Report: Trump Downplaying Coronavirus While Ordering Aides To Stock Up On Purell and Toilet Paper

A recent report has leaked from the White House, showing that while President Trump keeps a calm face for the tax payers, his office has been revamped into a germaphobe’s paradise. Hand sanitizer, toilet paper, and canned goods abound.

The report comes as a shock considering in public Trump has been relatively flippant whenever asked about the virus. In one tweet early this morning he attributed the whole concern to being a “liberal conspiracy”. According to the report, right before he sent that tweet he drenched his phone in hand sanitizer for a half hour to be sure that no germs could linger, then sent his aides out for more.

“He yelled at us not to go for the cheap stuff,” one White House aide commented, “When we show him the prices he says ‘don’t worry about it, this one’s on the tax payers’.”

Trump is a known, self-admitted germaphobe, and seems to be putting all his eggs in the hand sanitizer basket.

“I don’t think anyone’s told him that Purell doesn’t really kill viruses like that,” the aide commented, “Actually, I don’t think most of America knows. We’re truly fucked we are. I actually just came back from Italy straight to this interview. They didn’t even ask me if I had been in contact with anyone sick or anything.” She then sneezed, but said it was “nothing to worry about”.

 

 

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