“I don’t know him, I don’t know her, I don’t know anyone! I have news for you America, your president has ALZHEIMERS,” Donald Trump said on twitter today.
“I shake hands with a thousand people a day. Do you know how many of them try to appease me on an hourly basis? My ass is pockmarked with lipstick before I make it through my coffee. I don’t retain any of their names or faces. The disease is aggressive”
This tweet storm came after Julian Assange came forward with a shocking revelation – that President Trump agreed to pardon the WikiLeaks founder if he would help cover up Russian involvement in hacking emails from the Democratic National Committee. Dana Rohrabacher, who is actually a man despite what the president assumed based on his first name, is rumored to have brought the offer to Assange in 2017.
The president’s only defense was that he had no idea who Dana Rohrabacher even was.
“Dana Ro-whatever, Julian Assange, these names elude me. I know not of whom you speak. I’m legitimately losing track of all the people I don’t know,” the president said, “Do I know the names of some of my more influential and wealthy supporters? A few of them. sure. Do I know the name of Joe Schmoe who happened to overhear me talking about my plans to slowly twist democracy to be more in my favor? Probably not! Alzheimers can be very selective, people.”
It is not yet known how well this Alzheimers defense will hold up in the eyes of the American public.