The world has its eyes on Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, particularly after the latter refused to shake hands with her opponent after the Democratic Debate. What in the world has been going on between the two? We turned to Suzie Finkle, 13-year-old Master of Whispers and Lord of Gossip to get the full scoop.
“Okay, well like not shaking hands has to be like, the pettiest thing you can do in the moment. So kudos to my girl Warren for that,” said Finkle aka She-Who-Talks-Behind-Backs, “I wouldn’t want to shake that ratty old man’s hand either. Like, ew.”
Her eyes rolled back in her head and she began to convulse violently as she then added in an ominous, booming voice, “The problem is these petty squabbles are going tear support for them in half and it might cost both of them the nomination, a fool’s mistake! T͖͓͓̙̪̯h̭̺͜ͅé ̷̪͖̭̩̗̻w͚̩ǫ͖̮̬̤r̙d҉̺s̘͘ ̺͕̭̮̤͞h̦͈͙̮̘̫ḁv͢e̵̠̰̯̼͓̗̗ ̫͉͇̭͎̞b͟e̴͓̤̟̘̝e̢̥̣̲̝͇̺ṉ̞̜ ̸̪̰͎̙̲̞w͈͚͘r͏̻̤̲͚̹̝i̦̗̠̖͚̖̮t̤̻͇ț̪e̛̘̳̞̞͉n͜,͙̰͇͘ ̼̖̩͉̭̞̻͠t̟̟̥͚̭h͎͙͔̳̰͎̫e̱̭̹͕i̖̻̫̥̙͠r̫͔̠̩͙̥ ͍̫͎̻͇͈̫h̟o̩̟͖͇͇͎p͈͈̪̳̲͉̩e͙̭͘s ͓h̠͉͜av͚̤̤̖e͙ ̳̮̹ͅb̗̺͚̱e̠̞ẹ̛n̦̜̣̻͓̺̩ ҉̞͙̲̜r̷end̼̥͎er̵̻e̘̜̲̪͎̮̗d̺̝̲̪̥͞ ̳̳͈͖̣̳̹f̛̣̰̭ro͡m̲̪̘̳̼͍̯͠ ͖͈t̬̹͟ḥ̷̘̻̺̟̯̝e̥̹̠͓̭i̯͎̳͉̭͡ͅṟ͇͕̫̞̙̮ ̜͖̤̪̥ͅs͔̙͖̤̗͙͟p̟̙i̝̭̰͙̝̠̮r̠̲͙ͅi̛̫̦̲̲̱t̯̳̮̳͝s͔̰̯͘,” yelled Suzie aka the All-Seer, before settling down into her regular cadence.
“It’s just like what happened to Brittany Harrison and Emily Truesdale when Brittany found out Emily had kissed her boyfriend,” she said, before adding, “They should really both get over it tbh.”
That’s all the time we could buy with Suzie Finkle through the summoning ritual, but we can reach out to her for comment via Tik Tok if anything more develops.